Whatever you do, don’t fire me.

People get fired for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they make sense and sometimes they don’t. One thing is always true. We aren’t wanted anymore. For whatever the reason, we aren’t wanted anymore. Let that sink in; you aren’t wanted anymore. “But I still want to be there.” It doesn’t matter. You aren’t wanted there anymore. Shake the dust off and walk on. What’s the dust? Resentment, anger, hostility, regret, bitterness…shake off these dust particles. They’re heavier than you think. They’re also unsightly. People look and wonder why you’re covered in dirt, not wanting it to rub off on them. Shake it off. Scrub it off. Do whatever is necessary to get rid of it. – David Horsewood.

It sounds punchy and very hard hitting but the message isn’t to wound or cause distress. It’s almost a little bit of tough love to get you on your next step in life quickly. So you can look back and say, ‘well … that was a blessing in disguise.’

I’ve been thinking about how I would cope with this kind of rejection and long story short, I wouldn’t. Being a people pleaser by nature, if I’ve invested even an inkling of effort into a relationship or job prospect and it doesn’t work the way I want, I feel deflated and crushed.

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Side note to highlight the extent of my people pleasing
When I first moved to London I applied for what I thought was a reception job at a (bullshit) company called DS Global. After going through the three step interview process which involved scouring the streets and knocking on people’s doors asking for charity sign ups, I didn’t feel comfortable walking away. I knew I didn’t want this job and I felt duped that they would advertise it as a 9-5 desk job but I really wanted to prove to the interviewer that I was the right candidate. My competitive nature also contributed to me completing the interview course and getting the job but that main reason as to why I didn’t walk away on the first day was because I wanted to show I was the one. The one person they were looking to hire and that I could fit any mold that was presented to me. I quit 3 days later.

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The idea that someone in the world wouldn’t want me for my skills, personality, talent or time is a really distressing concept that just doesn’t sit well with me. And it doesn’t extend to people either.

FiancΓ© and I went to Lady Dinah’s Cat Cafe to sip tea and stroke the cats one Friday afternoon. I was so excited because I had been waiting for one of these cafes to open since they first became ‘a thing’ in Japan and the day had finally arrived. After sitting patiently for half an hour it was clear the cats weren’t interested in me or sitting on my lap. The rejection completely killed me and drove me to thinking all sorts of crazy things like, ‘why don’t they love me? You’d think they could just pretend to like me. I thought I would be a great crazy cat lady? Great, now I can’t even get that cat Matt promised me when we move to Australia because it won’t even like me. Maybe it’s my perfume? I think it’s too warm in here so they don’t want to be near anyone … no it’s definitely my perfume.’

See! I can’t even cope with the rejection of a cat. Even reliving that experience is making me feel tetchy.

When I saw this quote it really made me think about what I would do if I was ever sacked. I’d like to say I would be able to cope with like a rational adult but the reality is (even after hearing this quote) I know I wouldn’t. I can see it now. I would start out frantically trying to explain all the reasons this was a bad move by the company in hushed tones. Throw a public fit. Smash some things. Lose a shoe. Accept that I’ve burn all my bridges. Emotional eat my way to a size 32. Live the rest of my life with seething aggression towards that company and the people who fired me.

I’m a mess .. the questions is, are you?

Fuck a fake friend, where your real friends at?

Seriously though – fuck fake friends.

Fuck those who only want you to play pawn in their egotistical game of friendship chess. Fuck the ones who talk smack behind your back. Fuck the ones who never apologise. Fuck the ones who you always have to be in contact with for them to know that your relationship is valid. Fuck the ones who don’t understand what it is to connect on a real level. Fuck those people you can’t speak to without getting caught up in their drama. Fuck the people who never stand up for you. Fuck the ones who embarrass you. Fuck the ones who never grew up. Fuck the people who tell you ‘you’ve changed.’ Fuck the Queen Bees. Fuck the hierarchy. Fuck the ones who belittle your accomplishments. Fuck the ones who can’t keep secrets. Fuck those who medal in your life with the intention to hurt. Fuck the ones who can’t forgive. Fuck the ones who can’t forget. Fuck those who make you feel as if you have to stoop to their mental capacity to be a part of the group. Fuck those who think you have to talk about someone else to be interesting. Fuck the people who make you feel bad for being weird. Fuck the negative ones. Fuck the people you dread going to see. Fuck those who make you feel fat. Fuck those who make you feel like you’re too good for them. Fuck people who aren’t happy for you. Fuck those who bring the worst out in you. Fuck the people who make you feel like you need them. Fuck the small minded people. Fuck bitches. Fuck gossip. Fuck egos. Fuck jealousy. Fuck the flaky. Fuck the freeloaders. Fuck the people who tarnish your name. Fuck the people who take your shine. Fuck the ones who don’t bring out anything but the best in you. Fuck the friends who are disguised as your enemies. Fuck the ones who only call when they need something. Fuck the people who think you need them.
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck a fake friend.

Drizzy

Did you know …

Did you know that the best time to give a compliment is the exact time you think it?
I stole that quote from the movie Don Hemingway but that’s not the point.

When was the last time you thought something positive about a beautiful woman who walked past or a man wearing a super sharp suit and said something to them? Did the urge to stop them and say, ‘Red is really your colour. You look fantastic!’ prevail or did you saunter back into your own life letting them and that moment pass?

I can tell you that yesterday I handed out 4 sincere compliments. 2 were to people on the street, 1 was to a colleague and 1 was on Facebook (don’t know if it still counts.) Not because I am a saint but because I would like to think that I could, only for a moment, build a connection between someone who doesn’t and may never know my name. Have a moment with them that is completely selfless. A moment I created in an act of unselfish service to make a stranger feel better. Feel important. Feel valuable and noticed. Isn’t that what we all want? To be noticed …

Well here’s the kicker, if you want to be noticed you’ve got to notice.
Start with seeing the big things like the height of buildings. The sky. The sound of a passing lorry. And work yourself into seeing the small things like the wrinkles that have formed on your parents faces since you’ve been away. The flick of a woman’s hair. The cackle of your co workers laugh.

From there you might even be compelled to FEEL things. The sting of a chilly autumn wind. The legs of your trousers on your skin. Your fingers tapping on a keyboard. The thrum of a heartbeat as you drift off to sleep. What is it to physically feel something?

Once you can see and feel, maybe just maybe the sensory blinders that had been blocking you from noticing life would lift and you would be able to start to appreciate little things. And everything would become magnified as if you had been in a freak accident and you now have super hero noticing powers. Not in a noisy sense though. Not as if you were on ecstasy and everything is louder and brighter and beautiful – but as if you just had the power to hone in on things you knew existed but never really noticed.

Once you can really see and feel and appreciate everyone and everything in its essence and being – wouldn’t you stop feeling so ashamed or nervous about shooting a compliment to a deserving stranger? Wouldn’t you feel compelled to notice the beauty of their skin, perfume, eyes, trouser suit, pocket square and let them know
‘Hey you riding that hotdog. I notice you and I think what you got going on is impeccable.’

Could it be possible that the steps to being noticed is to feel, see, appreciate, learn to notice and then, and only then be noticed yourself? Wouldn’t your appreciation for yourself allow you to inadvertently be noticed by yourself? I don’t know, maybe I am just rambling … my initial blog post was going to be about the correlation between Nutella cupcakes and the Big Bang Theory so I guess you could say I am rambling.

#foodforthought #foodformouth #foodforuniverse?

pauladeen